Surprised, he said, "Nothing. I thought you get up at 5:00." Grinding my teeth I replied, "No.....I get up at SIX. What do you WANT?"
You're gonna love this. Last night I sent him out the door with a bag of trash (which he'd offered to take to the dumpster for me) and a Wal-Mart bag containing a bathmat for his apartment and 3 pounds of breakfast sausage I'd fried for him and put into individual little freezer bags so he could microwave a piece or two for himself for breakfast. Some time last night he discovered that he couldn't find the bag with the sausage and the bathmat in it. So.....being the MAN that he is.....he decided to wait until time for me to get up and call me to see if I had any idea what he did with it. Unfortunately, he'd miscalculated my wake-up time by an HOUR.
As calmly as possible, I told him that all I knew was that he left the apartment with the trash bag in one hand and the Wal-Mart bag in the other. He said it wasn't in his apartment, it wasn't in his truck, and he just didn't know WHAT he could have done with it. Taking my cue, I ground my teeth some more and said, "If you threw it in the dumpster with the trash, is there any chance I could reach it?" He was sure I could, because the dumpster was nearly full; he remembered that the trash he put in was at door level.
I put on my warm robe and my winter coat over it, yanked on mittens and a hat, grabbed a flashlight and made the trek across the parking lot in SIXTEEN DEGREE weather in the dark to see if I could find a Wal-Mart bag in the dumpster. In fact, I found several. None of them, however, contained sausage and a bathmat. Back through the darkness I trekked, making a short side trip to the parking space where his truck had been the night before to see if maybe he'd left the bag by the truck.
Back in my cozy apartment, I called him and told him I didn't find the bag and that if he'd stop on his way over tonight and buy three more pounds of sausage, we'd try again. I would NOT, however, buy him another bathmat. He apologized profusely for waking me up and asking me to go out in the cold and hoped I'd be able to go back to sleep.
So, on my way to the office, I called him from my cell phone at 7:30 to ensure that he didn't get to sleep in after waking me up. Bwahahahahahaha!
Why Dogs Are Better Than Men
- Dogs never hog the remote control, and they never change channels when you're out of the room.
- Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
- Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
- Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
- Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
- You can force a dog to take a bath.
- Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
- Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
- You can train a dog.
- Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
- Dogs are happy with any movie you choose to rent, because they know that the important thing is that you're together.
- Dogs never....NEVER....accidentally throw three pounds of sausage in a dumpster then ask you to go out in the dark at 5:00 a.m. to look for it!!